The surrogacy journey is filled with anticipation, hope, and heart. But what happens when things don’t go according to plan, specifically, when an embryo transfer doesn’t result in pregnancy? While the conversation often centers on the excitement of positive results, it’s just as important to discuss the emotional impact of a failed transfer.
What Is a Failed Transfer?
A failed embryo transfer occurs when the embryo does not implant successfully into the uterine lining. This is usually confirmed about 10–14 days after transfer through a blood test measuring hCG levels. Despite medical advances, implantation isn’t guaranteed, even with healthy embryos and ideal conditions.
It’s important to know: a failed transfer is never the surrogate’s fault.
Processing the Emotional Impact
Even when you intellectually know the risks, the emotional reaction to a failed transfer can be unexpected. Surrogates may feel:
- Disappointment or guilt
- Sadness for the intended parents
- Frustration with the process
- A deep sense of letdown, even if no attachment to the embryo was formed
You may feel like you’ve let others down, but you haven’t. Your willingness to try, to show up, to give your body and heart to this process is powerful. This moment doesn’t define the entire journey.
You’re Not Alone – Support Is Key
Surrogacy agencies are there for moments like this. Whether it’s a phone call with your coordinator, a mental health check-in, or just space to talk things through, support should be available. Many agencies also offer:
- Access to mental health professionals
- Peer support groups
- Guidance on next steps
It’s okay to ask for help. In fact, it’s encouraged.
What Comes Next?
After a failed transfer, you’ll typically meet with your fertility clinic and agency to discuss:
- What may have contributed to the outcome
- Any testing or wait time required before another attempt
- Whether a rematch is needed (if applicable)
You’ll be given time to rest and recover, both emotionally and physically, before deciding whether you want to move forward with another transfer attempt.
Final Thoughts
A failed transfer can feel like a quiet grief — often hidden behind hopeful language and next steps. But you deserve to be seen, supported, and reminded that showing up is a victory in itself. You’re part of something bigger than a single outcome — and your effort matters more than you know.