Being a surrogate is a life-changing decision that often intersects with your professional life. Whether you’re working part-time or full-time, it’s natural to wonder: Do I have to tell my boss? What about my coworkers? How do I protect my privacy while staying honest and professional? Let’s walk through how to navigate surrogacy at work.
Do You Have to Tell Your Employer?
The short answer: not always.
You are not legally required to disclose your role as a surrogate unless it affects your ability to perform your job or take time off. However, many surrogates choose to share at least some information to ensure transparency, especially when appointments or time off may be needed.
How to Start the Conversation
If you choose to disclose your surrogacy journey, keep the conversation clear and respectful. A simple, professional approach might be:
“I wanted to let you know that I’m going through a surrogacy journey. There may be a few medical appointments along the way, and I’ll keep you updated if anything affects my work schedule.”
This sets expectations without inviting personal questions.
Setting Boundaries with Coworkers
Once people know, curiosity often follows. You might get comments like:
- “Whose baby is it?”
- “Are you giving it away?”
- “Why would you do that?”
You are not obligated to answer anything that makes you uncomfortable. Try responses like:
“I’m happy to share a little, but I also want to keep some parts private. Thanks for understanding!”
Or:
“I’m focusing on the journey right now and appreciate your support.”
Planning for Time Off
Even though the child won’t be joining your household, your body still goes through a whole pregnancy and delivery. You’ll need time to recover, both physically and emotionally. Talk to HR or your manager about:
- Maternity or medical leave options
- Flexibility for appointments, especially during the first and third trimesters
- Return-to-work timelines and expectations
Managing Reactions at Work
Some people will be curious, others will be supportive, and a few may be confused or even judgmental. You don’t owe anyone more than kindness and boundaries. Consider confiding in one or two trusted coworkers for support if needed.
Final Thoughts
Surrogacy and work don’t have to clash, with clear communication and thoughtful boundaries, you can honor your journey while maintaining your professionalism. Your choice to become a surrogate is powerful, and you deserve to feel supported in every space you show up in. It can also help to lean on your agency for support and find guidance through them.