If you’re a mom considering surrogacy—or already on the journey—one of the most important (and often overlooked) conversations you’ll have is with your own children. How do you explain to them that you’re carrying a baby that won’t be part of your family? What will they think? Will they understand?
The good news: Kids are often much more open-minded and compassionate than we give them credit for.
Start With the Basics
Keep your explanation simple and age-appropriate. For younger children, something like:
“Some people can’t have a baby on their own, and I’m helping them by growing their baby in my belly. When the baby is born, they’ll go home with their parents.”
For older kids, you can introduce more details—like how you were matched with the intended parents, and the role of doctors and lawyers in making sure everything is done safely and fairly.
The key is to present surrogacy as a kind and generous thing you’re doing, and to reassure your child that the baby belongs to someone else, not your family.
Share Resources
There are many books available that help explain the surrogacy process in an age-appropriate manner. Some great books include: Sophia’s Broken Crayons: A Story of Surrogacy from a Young Child’s Perspective, The Very Kind Koala: A Surrogacy Story for Children, and The Kangaroo Pouch: A story about surrogacy for young children.
Answer Questions Honestly
Children are naturally curious. They might ask if you’ll miss the baby, or why someone else can’t have one. You don’t need to have all the perfect answers—what matters most is being honest and open. Let them know it’s okay to ask anything, and validate their feelings if they seem confused or unsure.
Include Them in the Journey
Depending on their age and comfort level, there are small ways to involve your children in your surrogacy journey. They could draw a picture for the intended parents, attend a baby shower, or help choose a small gift for the baby.
By including them, you help normalize the experience and make them feel proud of your role. You’re showing them, by example, what it means to be compassionate and generous.
Focus on the Positive Lessons
Surrogacy is an incredible act of love and selflessness, and your children will witness that firsthand. They’ll see what it means to help someone else create a family, and they may grow up with a deeper understanding of kindness, empathy, and the many beautiful ways families are made.
With a little guidance and lots of love, your children can become your biggest cheerleaders during the surrogacy journey—and may carry those lessons in compassion with them for life.
Is surrogacy right for you? Take our short quiz to find out more!